Changes
by jawyer4eva
Summary: another Jawyer fanfic: set post jack & juliet returning to camp.


There was a wave of reassurance when the 'leader' returned from the others, and came back to the camp. Things where much different compared to when Sawyer, Jack, Kate and Hurley went with Michael to get Walt back. Sawyer was behaving very differently indeed. After Hurley told him he was temporarily the group leader, and had conned him into being 'nice' for once he began to see that there was not just one way to act around people. Hell, he had bonded with some of them! And as much as it pains him to admit it, some of them were starting to become his friends.

The reason he had this personality was because of his past, though all the pain and struggling. Kate was right; he couldn't get rid of his baggage. His baggage is in the form of a letter that he's carried around for the past 20 years. He knows that even if he burns the symbol of his misery, he would still be the same. He would still be fucked up emotionally. Still be the outcast. Still be hated.

Ever since his parents had died he had been passed around foster homes, most of them were neglectful towards him and had not given him the time he needed, and therefore he had grown up looking for attention from anyone who would give it. It was sad really.

Now, he was still this attention seeker, anything to get him noticed. Acting like he had Shannon's inhalers to cause aggravation.

When he was a kid, he learned that in school if he acted normal and well behaved then he would get no attention, so he became a bully, name-calling & picking fights with anyone, just to get told off. But this caused his foster parents to give up on him and send him off to the next one. He had no decent friends either, because he was always the 'new kid', he never had time to make them. It was a slippery slop and he had grown up into 'Sawyer'.

Just a poor kid with no parents to find love with, he followed the bad examples set, became the man who ruined his life. Never the less, he wanted to kill him, to avenge his parents. He has forsaken him to this fate. Little does James know, Sawyer is on the island closer than he has ever been in his life. He had been 'friends' with his son, John Locke. He had become this man, the 'Sawyer'. He conned people out of their money, he cheated, backstabbed and lied to the people that fell in love with him. He toyed with peoples emotions, made them believe they were loved back.

He liked this image though; it made him look 'hardcore'. He knows that Kate knows some of what he's feeling, after all, she knows about his parents. But he still insists no one takes pity on him.

The doc… Jack had now saved his life twice now, but there was a difference between the first time. The first time he had caused the situation and it would have been on his conscience for the rest of his life, maybe people would start to go off him if he made a choice to watch someone die. But this second time, he didn't have to, no one would know if he had the opportunity to try to save them or not. He did it purely out of good-will. Sawyer supposed he did it for Kate; he couldn't help that buzzing in the back of his brain wondering what had gone on between them. This Kate thing, they had hugged when she got back, but what was that about. It was annoying having so many unanswered questions hanging about.

Juliet. Was she trust worthy? Is there something between her and the doc? He could not comprehend this situation. Any of it! He was normally a good judge of character, he knew that even people who look trustworthy an innocent could be the most deceitful, which is why he doesn't trust anyone. He didn't trust Juliet. He was also normally quite good at putting things together in his head, connecting pieces of information, but all the information he had was insignificant. He couldn't see into people's heart to see what they are feeling, even when it comes to caring for someone he didn't even know what he was feeling. She had saved Claire though, but was this a trap? He didn't take this evidence as fact. She had been one of them; she was one of the people who kidnapped them. Sayid seemed to be thinking along the same lines too.

"Hey" a voice said snapping him out of his daydreams. He looked around it was Jack. He didn't know to feel happy or angry or annoyed, it depends on the news.

"Howdy" Sawyer replied, wondering whether he was going to tell him about the 'others', or just make small talk, or check on whether he's ok.

Jack plopped down next to Sawyer and sat looking out towards the sea. After a while Sawyer spoke again. "So ya come to check my vitals or what?"

"Just come to check if you're ok… and to find out what you feel about Juliet… and to see if you hate me or not."

"Why would I hate you? Because you brang an 'other' back?" Sawyer asked.

"I don't know. You're not exactly the easiest person to read… and it's brought."

Sawyer looked at Jack and told him he didn't care. Jack continued "… so do you trust her? She did shoot the guy that was gunna kill ya."

"Who was gunna kill me," he corrected, "and no I don't trust her"

"Ok then, I understand… so are ya ok? How've ya been getting along, no fights?"

"I'm fine, and no fights."

Jack raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. They sat there in silence for a couple minutes, Jack enjoying the few minutes relaxation that he normally never got.

Sawyer cleared his throat. "Thanks for… everything."

Jack smiled, "that's okay."

"um, Jack? You talked to freckles yet?"

"A bit, what about?"

"Me and… her"

"Oh… the cages had cameras on them and I escaped and went to the surveillance room" he ran his fingers over his own tattoos remembering what they meant. Will he be lonely all his life?

Sawyer watches his face carefully. He was hurt. He swallowed. "I'm sorry" there was a pause and Sawyer spoke again. "when he was gunna shot me I started to think no one would know how I felt about them… that I liked them, and they where my friends."

"Are you talking about anyone in particular?"

"You, mainly. This is twice you've saved my skin… thanks."

"You're my friend too, Sawyer." He smiled but he didn't look too happy.

"What's wrong?" said Sawyer, he sounded concerned.

"I guess if I died, which knowing this place is quite likely, no one would know how I felt about them either."

"Well tell her then."

"Her?"

"Well, your either talking about feelings for Juliet or Kate… them 'em how ya feel."

"Sawyer… its not Kate or Juliet… its you."

"What?"

"Well you were truthful I should be too. I like you Sawyer. Maybe now I feel more confident because you're being open and nice to people… but that's how I feel. See ya" he got up and moved into the jungle hastily.

Sawyer got up and followed him. Jack had made his way about 50 meters in and stopped to sit on a fallen tree with his head in his hands. He was repeating "shit" over and over again, and muttering to himself, "why did I do that, I'm such an idiot."

"That's a bad habit."

Jack spun around quickly, still sat down, and tried to read his expression then he felt it was too aquard to keep his eye contact so he looked down at Sawyers feet. Sawyer walked towards Jack and crouched down. He stared at Jack. Ages passed until jack couldn't bear the tension anymore he looked into Sawyers eyes. What he saw shocked him. It looked like lust. Then Sawyer started talking, "look, you know I didn't t like you in that way but maybe we could give it a shot." Jack should have been happy but it took him a minute to comprehend what Sawyer just told him. He was unsure, but all that ended when Sawyer moved in closer… slowly 5 inches away… 4…2… their lips were touching and for a couple seconds neither moved. They moved away a 2cm's but there lips were still sucked together. They came apart with a suction noise. They had barely stopped touching but they dove in for more Sawyer's tongue slipping into Jack's mouth briefly. Before Jack had time to react Sawyer's mouth closed and he pulled back again. He bent forward again but this time he tilted to the side to allow better access. He thrust his tongue deeper into Jack's mouth, where Jack played with it. They went in one more time before pulling back and ending it. Sawyer rested his forehead against Jacks. They stayed there breathing deeply until Jack said, "Thank you" they both smiled at each other. "c'mon," Sawyer says, "Let's get back to the beach, ya might be missed by Juliet" he teased. "Yeah, you're right, they might have lit their torches and got their pitch forks and be hunting her down by now." He rolled his eyes.

They walked together to the beach, Jack couldn't help but smile all the way back and lick his lips to try and taste Sawyer. They were about to break the tree line that separates the jungle and the beach, when he felt Sawyer pull him back to face him. "Listen," Sawyer started, "I'm sorry about Kate. You have to understand I only did it because I thought I was a dead man."

"That's fine, we weren't together then. You were a free man."

Sawyer smiled, "Should we tell them?"

"Nah, see if you want to carry on after a few days, then we'll think about that. Don't rush it, babe. We have all the time in the world."

Sawyer let go of Jack's arm, and they walked out onto the beach together. They parted Jack going to Juliet to check up on her and Sawyer going back to his tent.

When Juliet saw Jack she asked him what he was so happy about. Jack wondered how she could tell he was so ecstatic. "You're smiling and have been since I saw you"

"Never mind… so how's your tent coming along?"

Sawyer thought about what Jack said. "If he wanted this to happen" he was still unsure about it… Sawyer thought he had made it clear that he did want it but he decided he would allow for time to pass so he could be sure. But he couldn't help feeling quite sure already. All of his past relationships were cons. He did it for the money or not at all, but now was different. He cared about Jack more than he had ever cared about anyone since he was eight. This wasn't saying much, but he had been going out with Jack for all of 20 minutes, maybe? But he had an amazing connection with him, he felt. After all Jack had saved him from getting shot in the head. He felt a tear in his eye (which was something that hadn't happened in a long time). It rolled down his cheek as he felt happy because of having Jack, but also shame. He could never be as good of a person that Jack was, he was nowhere near it. he felt so small, and he wondered how Jack can take him after he had done so much wrong, he felt unworthy of love, unworthy of Jack. He would never be a greater man than Jack, but he would try. He would try to be worthy of love, friendship and care. His outlook on life had changed drastically since the island, and for the better too.

85 days on an island and it had changed him. At least this hell hole made him a stronger, better person. At least he'd found Jack.


End file.
